Do you know how to share your emotions in a healthy way? Most people don’t know how to share their emotions in a healthy and useful way.
This article will help you understand how to do this for yourself to improve your own interpersonal experiences and also whoever you use this tactic with
Find compassion for the other person
Whatever is happening, situation or conflict wise, your first step is to find compassion for the other person. Be mindful of what may be hurting them or if there is something that is difficult for them in their life at this time. Really understand where the other person is coming from and how it may be affecting the conflict in any way.
Figure out what emotions you are feeling
The second step is to find your sense of self awareness and realize what it is that is triggering you, how you FEEL about what is happening, what your emotional state is and where you feel these emotions in your body.
Write these emotions down if it’s helpful. If you’re in a situation where a conflict arises and you usually resort to yelling at others in a heated argument, take a few deep breaths and distance yourself from the conflict. If the other person is yelling, calmly advise them to lower their voice and to have a discussion with you and that you don’t want to talk to them if they are yelling. If this person isn’t listening, distance yourself from the conflict and collect yourself and the emotions you are experiencing but avoid the temptation to yell back and fall into old patterns (this can take time for those of you who are used to yelling and or exploding in times of conflict).
With that awareness, you are now able to move to the next step of finding ways to communicate everything that you realized in step one and step two and learn how to communicate those experiences and emotions in non-blaming ways.
Communicating your emotions
If this person is going through something difficult you can say to them: You understand things must be difficult right now regarding _______ (Whatever they are experiencing.) But if nothing comes to mind… Calmly let the other person know that when they did _______ (Whatever the situation was), it made you feel _______ (Whatever your emotions are) and if it does trigger a bodily sensation, let them know where you feel it in your body. Focus on communicating the ways in which they made you feel. Avoid using the word “you” as much as possible when sharing your emotions to avoid any blame or finger pointing. People can’t argue with you about the way YOU feel since that’s YOUR unique experience and perspective.
How do we develop negative communication patterns?
Many of us who have trouble communicating often grew up in households that were not a healthy space for our emotions or feelings. We can grow up feeling quite neglected, or believing that our needs and/or emotions aren’t important or that we have no voice. Some of us may have even had parents that validated this idea, and told us that they didn’t care about our emotions and maybe we even got abused for sharing how we felt. Some of us grow up in households where our parents argued a lot and our parents weren’t very good communicators themselves.
When I was a kid, I used to get caught up exploding on others when I was upset or felt hurt by someone else. As I became a teenager, I started to realize that even when I was right in an argument, that when I would get angry, I would lose. So I learned to bottle everything up. I went to the complete other end of the spectrum in terms of expressing myself, from being super harsh and explosive about my feelings/boundaries/needs to not sharing anything at all and either getting passive aggressive or being a pushover. Over time I learned this balance of communicating in healthy ways and it has truly been life changing for me, which is why I’m here talking to you about it.
Here is an opportunity to remove the negative patterning and blockages and become good with communicating our emotions in healthy ways. Often people aren’t aware of how their actions or words can impact another. So by sharing how we feel, we are able to heal ourselves and state our boundaries, but also give the other person the awareness, thus an opportunity to heal themselves.
If you are interested in learning more about effective and healthy communication, feel free to book a session for psychotherapy or spiritual transformation coaching. I look forward to helping you learn this skill and turn your life around, just like I did!