It may not seem obvious but sometimes a boundary and avoidance can look very similar in their outward appearance, but there are a lot of core differences between the two. Let’s take a look, shall we?
Setting boundaries is something that a lot more people are starting to tap into, now that it’s becoming more and more normalized throughout modern psychology and a culture that is more open to doing therapy and self-work. Boundaries are ultimately our “yes” and our “no” within ourselves and the ability to communicate those things to others. Boundaries can look like many things: such as saying “no” to doing a favour for someone because you don’t have the energy/time, limiting time with people who we notice bring out more negative emotions within us, and sometimes even the decision to cut someone out of our life because they cause us a lot of pain and strife.
Boundaries are incredibly important and can vary day to day, person to person, and situation to situation, but ultimately, someone who has good boundaries can love and accept others for who they are but also don’t put themselves in positions that feel uncomfortable for other peoples’ gain and are honest with themselves and others about how they feel.
Avoidance is the tendency to avoid a situation or person and not address the boundary. Avoidance does not love or accept the situation at hand or the people involved. Quite the contrary. Avoidance is often unconsciously out of passive aggression and/or the inability to be honest and direct or have a conversation about what is upsetting you.
Oftentimes, avoidance and a boundary look like opposites, but in the case of a boundary looking like limiting time with people or cutting someone out of your life; sometimes that’s where the lines between a boundary and avoidance can become blurry.
A boundary, in this case, requires love and acceptance for who the other person is/isn’t, and has zero expectation of the other person changing. Avoidance on the other hand could look very similar, however, there is a lack of acceptance of who/how the other person is, with an expectation for the person to change, and sometimes can be used as a passive-aggressive punishment to the other person for not being different. It may be true that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but typically not in a setting where there is an expectation for someone else to be different upon reconnection.
These lines can be very unclear, and therefore if you’re curious to learn more please feel free to connect with me!