“A kind gesture can reach a wound that only compassion can heal.”
― Steve Maraboli
Do you struggle with being a supportive friend or family member? How do you relate to others and support them during their life’s challenges? Do you want to be of support but don’t know how? This article will teach you a little something about how to be supportive, how to validate others, what not to say, and understanding that you don’t need to agree with the person to be supportive or validate that their emotions are valid, heard, and understood.
Sometimes we have good intentions but aren’t able to say or do the right things when others are in need of support. The things we commonly say to other people can often invalidate the person in need of support and sometimes we can even make people feel worse about their experiences and life situations. I understand not everyone is a therapist and not everyone goes through sensitivity training or has a deep sense of empathy, but at the same time, I believe we can all gain the skills of validating others’ experiences and becoming better at supporting other people. I am a huge believer in empathy and love healing our corrupted and narcissistic world.
How do you support others?
There are so many ways we can support other people but it all starts with sympathy, empathy, and compassion. It can be executed through listening and/or validating other peoples’ experiences, being someone others can confide in by letting others know you are there for them, doing something with or for someone if they are too afraid to do it themselves and so much more!
When someone is sharing or being vulnerable with you, question yourself:
- How can you relate to this person?
- In what ways does their pain resonate with you and your experiences?
- Have you ever needed support from other people and didn’t feel supported?
- How did it feel when that happened?
- How can you prevent yourself from doing the same to others?
- Have you ever had a bad experience trying to support or while supporting another person?
Maybe you can’t relate to or fully understand someone’s experience…
So How Can You Help?!
The thing you most want to avoid are words that invalidate their experience. Saying things such as “It could be worse” “You shouldn’t feel that way” “I’m sorry you feel that way” “Just move on”, etc.
Acknowledge what they are saying to you, really hear them, repeat back to them the things that they are telling you, make sure you understand to the best of your ability what’s being communicated to you, ask questions, give your undivided attention, respond as they are talking to be sure they know you are listening, make suggestions if they are welcomed or asked for. Tell them you are sorry for what they are going through, let them know you are there for them, and that you understand or at least are trying to and want to understand.
The most important thing to be of support to others is validation. Validating feelings involves recognizing someone’s feelings and acknowledging them as important. In any healthy relationship, it’s important to validate someone’s feelings when they’re upset. Start by listening and responding in simple terms. From there, try to empathize as much as you can. Remember, you don’t have to agree with someone’s feelings or choices to acknowledge their emotions are valid